Losing the Plot, Finding Perspective: Leadership Lessons from a Tech Meltdown

Have you ever just lost the plot? Slammed the laptop, muttered a few choice words, and fantasised about quitting everything for a quiet life rearranging cereal boxes in Tesco?

Same.

And it wasn’t even a dramatic outage or a business-ending cyberattack - just a gradual, grinding build-up of tech challenges that pushed every last button I have.

But here’s the twist: that meltdown turned out to be one of the most powerful leadership lessons I’ve had in years.

When small tech goes wrong, it feels personal

I’d spent months building a new CRM for my coaching business. I’d invested, committed, and - foolishly - assumed it would “just work.”

It didn’t.

Emails started going missing. Automations broke. Settings reset themselves like they were possessed. And despite hours of troubleshooting and more Google searches than any human should ever do, nothing improved.

Eventually, the system provider admitted (reluctantly) that there were wider platform issues. And that’s when I genuinely lost it.

The kind of lost-it where you question every professional decision you’ve ever made.

But here’s where the leadership lessons began.

Not in the fixing. In the falling apart.

The shelf-stacking fantasy is never really about quitting

In that moment, I found myself fantasising about simple work. Quiet work. Work where no one needed me to lead, guide, support or “have it together.”

But that fantasy was never about wanting to leave my business.

It was about wanting relief.

For so many women in tech - leaders, founders, senior ICs, aspiring directors - that’s often what burnout moments really are. Not a lack of capability, but a lack of breathing space.

Tech failure is rarely about the tech. It’s about what it activates in you.

And that activation? That’s the real leadership work.

Leadership isn’t tested when things go smoothly

The real test of leadership is what you do when you’re sitting in the mess - frustrated, embarrassed, overwhelmed - and there’s no easy way out.

It’s the moment when:

• you know you’ve wasted time or money

• you feel foolish for trusting the wrong tool or vendor

• you’re angry at yourself for not spotting the red flags

• and you realise no one can swoop in and rescue it

That feeling? That lump-in-your-throat, stomach-dropping “this is not fair” moment?

That’s where leadership actually begins: in self-leadership.

Because it’s easy to be composed and inspiring when everything works.

It’s much harder when nothing does.

What the meltdown taught me about leadership

Once I’d wiped my tears, taken a breath, and stepped back from the emotional chaos, I realised the experience had taught me far more than it had taken from me.

1. Ownership isn’t about fault - it’s about agency

I couldn’t change what had happened… but I could choose what happened next. Leaders aren’t responsible for everything, but they are responsible for how they respond.

2. Asking for help isn't weakness - it’s strategy

I could have saved myself weeks of stress by reaching out sooner. Women in tech often carry the pressure to “prove” competence. True leadership is knowing when help accelerates progress.

3. Emotional responses are data, not flaws

The frustration wasn’t me being dramatic - it was my nervous system telling me something wasn’t aligned. Emotions are information. Leaders pay attention.

4. Self-compassion is a leadership skill

If you can’t give yourself grace when things fall apart, you’ll struggle to extend empathy to others when they do.

5. There is always a way back

Starting again wasn’t failure. It was recalibration. Leadership often requires letting go of sunk costs to choose what actually serves you now.

What this means for women in tech

Women in tech often feel like they need to be:

• technically sharp

• emotionally steady

• ENDLESSLY RESILIENT!!!!

• and quietly flawless

All at once.

But leadership isn’t perfection - it’s recovery.

It’s the ability to lose it, feel it, acknowledge it… and then choose your next move with intention instead of panic.

When the system breaks… when your confidence dips… when your inner critic turns up the volume… your leadership grows in the decision to keep going.

Not polished. Not perfect. Just present.

Turning frustration into fuel

I rebuilt everything. Slowly. More strategically. With better support and better boundaries.

But the biggest shift wasn’t the systems.

It was the story I told myself.

Instead of “I failed,” it became:

“I learned faster than I would have if everything had gone smoothly.”

And I reached out, to friends, families, and to those getting my emails and asked for replies (maybe begged for replies is more like it).  Every reply I get to my new email subdomain, helps to get my emails to land in the right place.

And what happened was some lovely replies, that not only helped my tech problems, but also cheered me up, and helped me to keep in touch with some people I hadn’t ever heard from or hadn’t from in a while – win win cos that made me feel a lot more positive.

Smooth is comfortable, but friction is where growth happens.

So… what’s your ‘lost the plot’ moment?

We all have one. Usually more than one as I am sure I am not the only one who loses the plot now and then!

Your most chaotic moment might be the exact experience that sharpens your leadership edge.

Not because you handled it perfectly - but because you handled it at all.

Final thought

Tech will fail. Plans will unravel. You will, at some point, cry over something that worked perfectly yesterday.

But leadership lives in the pause between breaking and beginning again.

Next time you lose the plot, Remember you're not breaking down - you’re breaking open.

And that’s where the strongest leaders are made.